What’s a poor boy to do?

I dislike attending church.

They say it’s supposed to be a hospital for sinners, but how IS that exactly?

Sitting through wrote sacrament services are bad enough.  But I fail to see anything of value in attending the other mind-numbing meetings.  You know, the ones where folks basically read directly from “correlated” manuals, and then solicit the most basic (Jr. Sunday School) answers from the remains of the congregation (the majority of whom prefer to wander the halls, or visit in the foyer or parking lot).  If this is a hospital, then this type of “treatment” can’t be anything other than cruel and unusual.

To make matters worse, the majority of those who do go to class to receive instruction don’t even seem to have a rudimentary understanding of the actual gospel, let alone the ability to have a thoughtful discussion of a gospel principle or doctrine.  And they all, to the very last one, lack any kind of reasoning or critical thinking skills.  In fact, most of them are so anti-intellectual, that they pride themselves in being uneducated.

Oh, I’ve tried.

Make no mistake.

I’d find a time where I could raise my hand to participate and suggest a deeper than the surface principle or doctrine.  The result is always the same. A couple of what most folks would call “loonies,” completely misunderstand everything, and go off on some tangent, and then the rest of the class, joins them in the weeds.  It all makes me want to award them no points, and ask for mercy on their souls.

I can’t remember the last time I could sit through and entire Sunday School class (and after the few that attend actually sit down, shut up, have an opening prayer and waste time introducing visitors, it’s usually only about 20-30 min long).  I used to just sit in the hall and study my scriptures.  But my wife (who gets to teach primary, so she doesn’t have to attend herself) has been after me to “make an effort;” so I’ve tried to go the last few weeks.  And inevitably, about 10-15 minutes in, things have gone off the rails so much that I can’t stand to stay, and I leave to “go to the restroom” and then just never come back.

Elders Quorum is just as bad, but since I’m the Secretary, and have to take roll (and because we are in a tiny room where if I leave its just too obvious) I have to sit through it.  Funny thing, is that when our BYU loving, TBM EQ president discusses the lessons in presidency meetings, he always says “I think they are going very well.” Apparently his definition of going “very well” is a hardliner conference talk he selects on the 1st and 4th weeks, and a correlated manual lesson on the 2nd and 3rd weeks, that the unlucky schmoe that answered their phone Saturday night, reads, verbatim, or maybe has the class read, paragraph at a time .  It’s mind numbing, and on the occasions I’ve been forced to teach a conference talk (Lynn Robbins “Which Way Do You Face?”) , I’ve told the quorum that this guy is just flat out wrong, and then supported my stand with scriptures.

But, no one gets it.

No one cares.

And honestly I feel like I’m just wasting my time, every time I attend.

I know “the church” is different from “The Church™” and that “all is NOT well in Zion.”  I have a testimony that “the gospel” is true, but I have serious doubts that the trademark of the sole corporation, can possibly be “true” in any sense of the word.  I see it as being far more Mamon than Mormon.  I know what the fruits of  “The Church™” are, and I’m far less than impressed.  However, I believe in giving deference to the modern scribes and Pharisees who sit in Moses' seat. (So long as what they teach is not contrary to 1) the scriptures; 2) the former prophet’s teachings; 3) the spirit, and 4) the principle of charity.) I know that just because someone with alleged “authority” says it, doesn’t make it either right or true (although it doesn’t necessarily preclude it from being either).

Yet apart from a couple of old guys (High Priests in their 80's) that like to talk to me about hunting stories in the halls between classes, I feel like I’m alone in a ward of morons, that HAVE the scriptures, and the capacity to study (as opposed to just “read”) them, and engage in real, substantive gospel discussions.  But none seem willing.  (No wonder the Lord put the Church under condemnation.)

It’s all hugely discouraging, and when I come home, depressed from yet another week of “enduring to the end” my wife gets upset with me for having a bad attitude.

She thinks I’m giving our teenage daughters a legitimate reason for not liking our ward (we were “realigned” a couple years ago, and have never liked the resulting “new ward,” nor has anyone else I’ve discussed it with).  I think the ward is giving my daughters plenty of reasons for not liking it just fine by itself, and I’d far rather teach my girls that “the church” is different from “The Church™” and that while “all is NOT well in Zion,” we still need to do our part to bring about Zion, even though it appears many generations off to me.

But then again, I’m Dence